think richard gere

think douche bag.

I didn't realize Gere was into slim Asian women (As I recall, it was gerbils, no?). Along with the advertisements for stylish berets and schools very far away from you to house your rich and drug addicted son (before he becomes President) in the New Yorker, the above are personals right out of the glorious and important New York Times.

The lights in the theater dim, and the uptown audience calms to a hush. Cue the spotlight. The lilting sound of an oboe fills the room. Strings flutter. And...Good evening ladies and gentlemen. The philharmonic would like to introduce: Doctor. Violinist. Artist...

Well, of course. This is the Times. We expect nothing less. And even this 84 year old doctor, violinist, and artist is looking for what each and every other New York Times reader is looking for - a slim Asian woman. The other guy at least has it in his headline. What do you give to the man who has everything? Tall. Trim. Attractive. Educated. Rich. I know, I'll get him a slim Asian woman, non-lipstick type. I bet that guy is fat, by the way.

And, then, the mysterious and Unusual 'J' Widower. Unusual? Three eyes? Raised by wolves. Magic powers? Seriously. You're a Jew, in New York, who reads the Times, get in line.

What can I say, I go for the Magazine.